The Vols are losing and in the cellar at the moment.  They haven’t been 0-5 in the SEC since the 70′s, which is about the last time the pants that Dooley wears were acceptable.  As for a gimmick on the sidelines, they’re fine.  It stands out even though they burn out the retinas.

To help celebrate Dooley’s orange pants, UT students organized a “Fear the Pants” flash mob during the Vols’ Oct. 29 game against South Carolina. Former UT coach and college football hall-of-famer Johnny Majors makes a cameo. FEAR THE PANTS!

But the best thing I’ve seen all weekend is the little Derek Dooley Halloween costume. Epic!  It nails the perfect hair of Dooley down while still preserving the epicness of the pants.  Someone in Knoxville is my new hero.

Or he could just change his last name to Colquitt and be set for life.

Cunningham has his punt blocked but quickly grabs the bouncing ball and makes a first down. Just like coach drew it up.

Go Vols….and Titans! [via Pigskin Doctors]

Despite all the numerous troubles the Vols football program is in (too numerous to count) it is a welcome sign to see Neyland Stadium getting prepped for the first game this weekend and the first game for new coach Derek Dooley.

We’ve looked long and hard at the resume of Dooley and it’s safe to say he’s got what it takes. And despite a team filled with as many question marks as criminals, I must say it’s a welcome to relief to get the season started.

So if you are coming into our hometown this weekend to catch Tennessee-Martin take on the Vols just remember to plan ahead for traffic, get your new Vols gear early and give yourself a bit of time to enjoy the recent renovations to Neyland Stadium.

Vols Checkerboard

pic via

This was an effort to make way for a less competitive team in an attempt to created a softer schedule for the school.

The cost of dumping the 2 games from the mildly competitive ACC school that went 20-18-0 over the last 3 seasons will cost Tennessee upwards of $750,000. Hamilton is seeking a sure win with a visit from a small team like the University of Buffalo to help pad his own schedule and add a home game which will help make back the money lost from the forfeit fee.

The estimated cost of revenue for hosting a game at Neyland Stadium is around $3 million.  That’s not a bad payday but some fans see this move as a negative.  Terms like ‘coward,’ ‘wimpy,’ ‘wuss,’ and ‘chicken‘ are being tossed around with opinionated articles about the move.

In reality it is just a business decision.

Mike Hamilton

The Vols are in a less competitive place right now with 3 coaches in 3 years and several issues off the field including multiple arrests. NCAA investigations are looming for various reasons including the Vols Hostesses and many fans are wondering what type of team Tennessee will field this year considering no one even knows which unknown quarterback will lead the team.

Trimming the schedule and adding a home game against a weaker team is a disappointment that shows how much UT has dropped over the years and how much UNC has gained.  A move like this gives rival fans and potential recruits just more negative press to play around with and dog the Tennessee program.

Personally, I think the Vols should man up and play the games but I understand that money drives the organization.  It’s a shame but a harsh reality for a program in decay.  If they run the program into the ground who will be left to attend the new home game against Buffalo?

Considering the clusterfluck that is the UT Vols football program over the last few years, several Vols found homes in the NFL via the draft last week. A few more signed on with clubs this week when the free agent market started.

The most notable move were the Kansas City Chiefs taking safety Eric Berry with the 5th pick.  We expect Berry to have a great career in the NFL and just wished it were for a good team. Chiefs = yuck!

Also in the first round, DT Dan Williams slipped down the draft board to be chosen by the Arizona Cardinals with the 22nd pick.  We expected the big guy to go a little higher but at least he didn’t end up in Oakland.

Overall, 6 players were drafted including a surprise pick by San Diego in the 5th round to take QB Jonathan Crompton. Talk about a project! But this is the team that drafted Ryan Leaf….

Here’s a list of where some of the Vols ended up:

• Eric Berry  SS Pick 5, Round 1 (5)    Chiefs
• Jonathan Crompton  QB Pick 37, Round 5 (168)    Chargers
• Montario Hardesty  RB  Pick 27, Round 2 (59)    Browns
• Jacques McClendon OG  Pick 31, Round 4 (129)    Colts
• Chris Scott  OT  Pick 20, Round 5 (151)    Steelers
• Dan Williams, DT   Pick 26, Round 1 (26)    Cardinals
• Rico McCoy, LB,  Buccaneers, Free Agent
• Morgan Cox, DS, Ravens, Free Agent
• Jeff Cottam, TE, Bengals, Free Agent
• Quintin Hancock, WR, Seahawks, Free Agent

Lane Kiffin during First Vol Walk

Wow.

If the news reports are to be true, it looks like our Tennessee Vols just got shafted harder than any team

Lane Kiffin is uprooting most of his coaching staff from UT to rejoin the USC Trojans in replacement of the departing Pete Carroll.  This news has of course floored Vol Nation who stood by Kiffin as he continually mouthed off during the year.

In the end, Kiffin was able to slightly resurrect the Vol program by making them competitve and giving UT some great recruiting classes in his short time here.

Numerous reports including ESPN and the L.A. Times claim Kiffin will strip the Vols of most of their coaching staff and head out West.  Kiffin has scheduled a news report for later this evening and we are still flabergasted by the developments.

Could Kiffin show such lack of professionalism and seriously make the biggest Dick Move in SEC history?  Guess we’ll know in about an hour when Kiffin gives his press conference.  More later…

• USC appears to have hired Lane Kiffin - LA Times
• Kiffin hired by Southern Cal – Go Vols Xtra

Edit: video added of Lane’s press conference. He couldn’t get out of town fast enough…[via Sports by Brooks]

Dear Tennessee Vols Athletics Director Mike Hamilton,

Please.  Get your Shit together.

Thank you,

Vol Nation

Wow! Again?

We know our University of Tennessee can be a sports program loosely disguised as a University [Go Vols!] at times but you’d think that after the embarrassment of multiple football players being arrested/kicked off the team that the other sports would take a closer look at what they are doing. Or at least teach these kids how not to be blatantly stupid.

You know, since the media and the NCAA might be looking a little into how we operate things down here.

After the Prius Holdup and the Tennessee Hostesses, it looks like we have another scandal on our dockets. Tyler Smith, Brian Williams, Melvin Goins and Cameron Tatum were arrested by Knoxville police last Friday bringing the total number of Vols arrested* this Fall the same as the Football teams number of victories.

Four University of Tennessee basketball players were arrested on drug and weapons charges today after a Knoxville police officer stopped the car they were riding in for speeding on Alcoa Highway near Kingston Pike. [via Knoxnews GoVols Xtra]

We don’t think that Tennessee Athletics Director Mike Hamilton got the memo that having the  “T” in “UT” standing for “Thug” is not a good thing.  The Vols aren’t going to have too many more postseasons if Hamilton cannot learn to evoke discipline in his sports programs or better yet have the men start playing by the disciplinary guidelines of Pat Summitt.

The officer requested back-up and a K-9 unit. After the dog alerted officers to the presence of marijuana, the vehicle was searched.

Knoxville police said they found a handgun under the driver seat, a handgun with an altered serial number under the passenger seat, a baggy of marijuana, and a open container of alcohol.

The police report says Tatum was the driver and faces a weapon and unlawful container charge. Originally, police said Smith and Williams would face felony weapons charges. But, Judicial Commissioner Robert Cole tells 6 News the pair will face misdemeanor weapons charges. Goins faces a weapons charge and a drug possession charge. [via WATE]

The good news is that the Tennessee Vols men’s and women’s basketball team won Tuesday night as Bruce Pearl tries to get closer to 100 wins.

The bad news is that another Tennessee Vols football player got arrested. Tennessee freshman defensive back Nyshier Oliver was charged with shoplifting. Congratulations, idiot. You are going to lose a scholarship worth thousands for a shitty brown shirt worth $110.

Maybe they should teach some better math classes for these Freshmen so they can see how much $ they are pissing away. Maybe an ethics class at the least.

Anyway, enjoy the day off with Zach Galifianakis and his “Between Two Ferns.” This episode features Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter.

Coach Lane Kiffin dismissed Nu’Keese Richardson and fellow Mensa nominee Mike Edwards from the Vol program. That’s a nice way of saying “You’re Fired!”

Vol Nation stood around getting anxious at seeing if Lane Kiffin would stand by his words of cleaning up the UT program. He did.  So far.  2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

Janzen Jackson, the third genius in the posse, is essentially suspended from the program until further notice. His suspension leans on looking into the charges again Jackson more because he may or may not have been fully involved with the crime.

If nothing else they should all be run out of town for doing this on campus and using a Prius for a getaway car!

“After extensive and thorough research of the situation over the last four days and considering various disciplinary options, I’ve decided it’s in the best interest of our program to remove Nu’Keese and Mike,” Kiffin said. “As I’ve said many times before, we hold our student-athletes to an extremely high standard on and off the field. Our student-athletes must be responsible members of society, and this type of conduct will not be tolerated.

“We want a positive culture for our student-athletes that allows them to succeed in the classroom, on the field, and in life after college. My hope is that these two young men will learn from their terrible decision. Clearly, their actions have no place in our program.”

After a rough start, the Vols have started to find their grove with huge wins over SC and Georgia and one big lose in Alabama that should not have been.  Lane’s got it OK, though. He has a hot wife, rolled out black Vols Jerseys to the joy of UT fans and is mentioned in rap song by Lil Wayne, so he’s riding in the front car of the pimp train right now exchanging high-fives with Bruce Pearl.

image source

Once we get some we’ll then head down to the storage area to find our UT helmets, dust them off, and slap them on with the instantly awesome black Vols jersey and begin running tackling drills in the living room.

When any friends come over to our apartment it’s gonna be like, BAM!!! Check out this fucking awesome array of black and orange, bitches. Then we’d tackle them.

Vols Black Jerseys

We got Big Orange and Black fever!  No silly pig-flu shot is gonna cure you of that.

Black Vols jerseys sound like a pretty fitting way to ring in the first season for Coach Lane Kiffin. You know what else sounds awesome? Performing an all-black Vols jersey reenactment of the entire South Carolina/Vols game in our living room – including the rain.

We’re gonna rig up a couple of those  lawn sprinklers from outside from that extra long garden hose and get our grumpy, unemployed neighbor, Mr. Fuhrwellington, to play the role of Steve Spurrier. We’ll slap one of those geeky visors on his fat ass and stick him in the corner and let him try to call the plays to beat a team wearing black jerseys.

News flash.  It can’t be done.  Black jerseys make you immortal!

The next thing we’re going to do is get about 50 pumpkins carved with Vols  “T’s” on those bastards and line them along the walls to represent the awesome Vols crowd at Neyland Stadium.  We’ll crank up the Lil Wayne and then  call over our friends and some hookers  and get some of those hobos from the liquor store across the street and get this game going.

Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it?

We’ll dress up the hobos in SC shirts.   That’s  easy to do.  They just have to be red shirts and then have COCKS written on them with Sharpie.  Hell, we might just draw pictures of cocks on them. These hobos better keep their eyes peeled for the weak side blitz.  When it comes to the black jerseys, there is no mercy and having a black jersey makes every player hit 17% harder.

Welcome to the Terrordome, fuckheads!  You hear that snap?  That’s your spine being crashed in as a wave of black swarms on the ball and consumes you.

We’re gonna rock those black jerseys all night long. And when the game comes to an end and all the hobos are lumped on the floor gasping for air as the black jerseys stand mightily over them while our friends and the hookers cheer and throw empty beer bottles at the wall, we’ll grab those pumpkins and smash them over Mr. Fuhrwellington to cap the victory.

Because that’s how we do it in Big Orange and Black Country!  Go Vols!

Parody of the great McSweeney

But now it’s just gone platinum. Spurrier can’t match this!

Rapper Lil Wayne has made Lane Kiffin a star[and a fan of his music] by referencing the coach’s knack for loose lips in a new single from Wayne’s latest album.

*bump*

In Lil’s newest track, Banned From TV, the Southern rapper includes this line, “Smoke weed, talk s— like Lane Kiffin.”

Now Lane Kiffin has acknowledged the endorsement via Twitter, tweeting today, “looking forward to another great practice today and a huge game Saturday … also a huge shout-out to Lil Wayne for boosting our street cred!”

Tweet This, Bitches!

The video is below and Vol fans will find the line about 1:10 into the song. Word. And for those not familiar with Lil Wayne’s music, feel free to turn up the speakers in the office and blast this single as loud as possible.* Everyone in the office will love it!

The Vols were able to hold off Ohio 34-23 despite a tough game from the Bobcats including missed field goals and a Crompton fumble returned by Ohio for a TD that was overturned.

However, the big news of the night is up in Kentucky where the giant Tim Tebow got knocked out of the game by the Wildcats after a tough hit.

Mama said knock you out…

Tim Tebow was taken to a hospital by ambulance after a hard hit to the head in the third quarter of No. 1 Florida’s game against Kentucky on Saturday night.

There was no immediate report on the quarterback’s condition.

The Gators were in Kentucky territory when Tebow took a big hit from Kentucky defensive end Taylor Wyndham. Tebow’s head hit the leg of Florida right tackle Marcus Gilbert as he fell to the ground. He lay motionless for several minutes before sitting up. He walked off the field with help to the bench, where his parents came down from the stands to join him.

As Tebow was being carted from the sideline, Tim Tebowappeared to be vomiting.

Ouch!  Well we do have video of the Tim Tebow hit, sans the vomiting.

Phillip Fulmer enjoys the game

After a strong start against the Western Kentucky practice squad last week, the Tennessee Vols faced their first real challenge with the UCLA Bruins coming to Knoxville. The Bruins embarrassed Fulmer and the Vols last year in their meeting in California and this year the Vols sported a new coach and new personnel which gave hope of redemption.

However the ghost of Fulmer lurks on the sidelines of Neyland Stadium.

There are marked improvements on offense for the Vols with receivers that can catch and running backs that can hold on to the ball. However, the QB situation looks the same as last year.

Jonathan Crompton, easily our least favorite Vol of all time, stumbled and bumbled around with streaky inconsistency  and poor judgment that made us wondering why Coach Kiffin did not pull him out of the game.  UCLA was given the game due to the play of Crompton which had us all pulling at our hair.

The game stayed close despite Crompton’s follies.  We still have high hopes for an enjoyable year from the Vols and know that a rebuilding year is always tough.  But how bad are the backup QB’s on the bench for Kiffin to keep giving Crompton the ball?

We’re thinking that Crompton’s performance today (13 for 26, 93 yds, 0 TD’s and 3 INTs) might hamper his Heisman chances.

Jonathan Crompton for Heisman

Football is back is session here in Knoxville and the Vols may traded out their entire coaching staff but one thing is the same. Eric Berry will be a monster on the field for the Vols.

That’s why we are excited about the prospects of having Berry getting a Heisman nod. Berry4Heisman.com is a website being promoted along with the UT sports department’s help to petition for Berry’s nomination. If last year’s efforts by Berry are any indication, we bet he has a great chance of getting invited to New York at the end of the year.