Steven Seagal is not Above the Law.  So states a new lawsuit against the actor/cherub/martial arts guru.  We felt like we were Pistol Whipped when we heard about the vicious lawsuit aimed to bring down Steven Seagal.

Kayden Nguyen, an assistant to Mr. Seagal, is Out for Justice after she claimed she was used as a sex slave and assaulted by the kung fu legend on Seagal’s properties. 

Lawyers had Mr. Seagal Under Siege when Miss Nguyen’s alleged sexual harassment, illegal trafficking of females for sex, wrongful termination and false representations about employment.

Say it ain’t so, Shadow Man!

In her civil suit Miss Nguyen claims she stayed at Seagal’s Hollywood home after answering an online advert for the position of executive assistant.

Reading between the lines it sounds like she landed this job off of Craig’s List.  Awesome. But, these allegations still hurt.  It was like pouring salt on Exit Wounds.  It was like Staring into the Sun.  It hurt that bad to hear this!

The Glimmer Man may feel like he’s Under Siege, but we think Mr. Seagal is a Patriot and totally Out of Reach.  Miss Nguyen said he was a Dangerous Man after she managed a Flight of Fury to escape from the Belly of the Beast of Seagal’s home to reach safety.

Seagal’s lawyer responded that the suit was poppycock and Miss Nguyen is anything but a Mercenary for Justice.  They say she is just Driven to Kill by the prospect of a rather large payday.

Miss Nguyen also stated she was one of several women held against their will for Seagal’s carnal pleasures.  The lawsuit might be Hard to Kill if other women come forth to collaborate the story.

One of Steven Seagal’s best scenes: Bashing old man balls, inspirational speeches, and of course, the deadly hand slap game.

• Closet doors can sense bad entertainment…Just ask young Channing and her stuffed dog:  Foundry Music
• Merril Hoge: Concussion Nearly Killed Me In Locker Room: NFL Fanhouse
• Eric Wareheim’s Greatest Music Videos:  Heavy.com
• Would You Put Your Pitbull in a Vick Jersey?:  Asylum
• 30 years of sexy ladies: The women of 1975:  Guyism
• The RAPIN’-EST News Team in Alabama: Warming Glow
• Charlie Weis done been fired.  Finally.  Notre Dame might have a winning season now: Buster Sports
• Do you want nipples tattooed on your ass? Why not?:  I Heart Chaos
• VS model Candice Swanepoel causes quite the commotion on NFL Today (vid & gallery): The Bachelor Guy
• Steven Seagal Lawman Extended Preview:  Screen Junkies

It’s tough riding on planes these days.

If the check-in portion of the trip doesn’t fry your brain you can always count on the smiling security folk or sitting on a cramped tube full of angry, smelly people and forced to watch the latest Steven Segal flick like this one called Kindergarten Attack Force:

Actually, that looks like a decent flick. It’s no Under Siege 3 In Space but we’d watch it…

Of course you wouldn’t get to see the movie if you were sitting behind this dude.  Thankfully, they put him on the aisle seat.  Not like they had a choice but you really have to balance the weight on this dude.  If he’s on the side that whole plane would lean and be real tough to steer.

Take a close look at the photo and tell us where that armrest went…

That's a big dude

photo source

Steven Seagal! Under Seige 3

It looks like there is a God and He has submitted a script to Hollywood. Who else besides Joe Eszterhas could come up with a concept of “Under Siege 3: In Space?”

This is such a fantastic idea that it makes our heads exploed and we will strive to help make it a reality as long as they can find some way to bring Gary Busey back with the 3rd installment.  If this flick can make it into the theaters anytime soon it will be the largest movie event every and surely sweep the Academy Awards!

Die Hard 4, Rocky Balboa and the new Indiana Jones were really all just warm-ups for one almighty action comeback movie – Under Siege 3.

Yeah, you heard. Buoyed up by the recent success of his peers, Steven Seagal has decided that he’s going to follow suit and make Under Siege 3. And there’ll be none of this ‘acknowledging the aging process’ malarkey, either – if Steven Seagal gets his way, then Under Siege 3 will be set in outer space where he’ll get to kung-fu a bunch of evil aliens.

So that’s Under Siege 3, coming soon to a theater near you. Provided that the theatre nearest you happens to be the theatre playing inside Steven Seagal</strong>’s wonky and somewhat deluded brain.

It’s nice to see that Steven Seagal can take some time off from bouncing at the Phoenix Hooters to try and resume his ‘acting’ career. We were really hoping that the singing career of Steven Seagal would take off like his movies. How can the world not embrace a singing Steven Seagal?

Steven Seagal – Girl it’s allright