Dave and Thomas Daily Timekillers

Posts Tagged ‘lane kiffin’

Someone at Esquire Magazine has a great sense of humor and may possible be a Vol fan like us. For their March Madness-style bracket to vote on the Sexiest Woman of the Year you will have to look close but you’ll see in the field of 64 hot chicks there is one odd entry.

Turns out former Vols coach Lane Kiffin is one of the lucky girls in the running!

He’s matched up against a professional lady golfer but as of today he is leading the first round votes by a nice margin.

Such a pretty girl...

There were two loud sounds coming out of Rocky Top this week.  The first is when the collective jaws of Knoxville  hit the floor when Vols coach Lane Kiffin flipped us all the bird and headed out of town faster than anyone we’ve ever seen. 

Seriously. That dude gave a 1 minute press conference with one foot in the plane.

The second sound was a gasp that came out of Rocky Top when UT hired a relative unknown coach by the name of Derek Dooley to replace Kiffin.  People around here do not really know Dooley so naturally we are skeptical. 

But after the Kiffin fiasco we are all just looking to move on at this point.

Sweet Lord! Look at that beautiful head of hair!

The more we look into the life of Derek Dooley the more relaxed we become.  This week has been hectic as Lane Kiffin’s Beverly Hillbillies routine left us going “WTF!”

But now the Vols have an identity in the form of Derek Dooley.  And yes, he spells his first name just like the fashion model so that’s a plus. We hope that Dooley works out and here are five reasons we believe he will:

5) He is the son of Vince Dooley, legendary coach at Georgia.  That s%*t looks good on a resume.

1)The Hair!  Look at that hair.  Folks, we have a winner!

It is official.  Lane Kiffin has pulled the biggest dick move in the history of the SEC.

Our little town of Knoxville let out a collective “WTF?!” as news of Kiffin and most of his staff leaving the Vols to head to Southern Cal. Some fans are happy with the decision as Kiffin’s abrasive attitude just didn’t fit in with the program.

For the rest of Vol Nation it was a monumental move that left people angry and confused.  Kiffin sold his program to the Vols and just like that, *poof*, he is gone. Kinda like Keyser Soze if Keyser Soze was a prick instead of a mobster.

5.  Named his last son Knox after Knoxville. Wanted to be able to name his next boy Richard

4.  His mentor, Bobby Petrino, recommended the move.

3.  Really heading to Los Angeles to be new host of “The Tonight Show”

2.  Wanted another challenge. Couldn’t get Vols on probation fast enough; USC much closer to that goal

1.  Wanted to prove to Al Davis that he wasn’t a punk-ass, crybaby with no loyalty and zero professional who was just looking for his next job.

Edit: came across this great picture of the Rock on UT campus which accurately depicts how Vols fans are feeling right now. Via Losers With Socks.

Lane Kiffin during First Vol Walk

Wow.

If the news reports are to be true, it looks like our Tennessee Vols just got shafted harder than any team

Lane Kiffin is uprooting most of his coaching staff from UT to rejoin the USC Trojans in replacement of the departing Pete Carroll.  This news has of course floored Vol Nation who stood by Kiffin as he continually mouthed off during the year.

In the end, Kiffin was able to slightly resurrect the Vol program by making them competitve and giving UT some great recruiting classes in his short time here.

Numerous reports including ESPN and the L.A. Times claim Kiffin will strip the Vols of most of their coaching staff and head out West.  Kiffin has scheduled a news report for later this evening and we are still flabergasted by the developments.

Could Kiffin show such lack of professionalism and seriously make the biggest Dick Move in SEC history?  Guess we’ll know in about an hour when Kiffin gives his press conference.  More later…

• USC appears to have hired Lane Kiffin - LA Times
• Kiffin hired by Southern Cal – Go Vols Xtra

Edit: video added of Lane’s press conference. He couldn’t get out of town fast enough…[via Sports by Brooks]

Dear Tennessee Vols Athletics Director Mike Hamilton,

Please.  Get your Shit together.

Thank you,

Vol Nation

Wow! Again?

We know our University of Tennessee can be a sports program loosely disguised as a University [Go Vols!] at times but you’d think that after the embarrassment of multiple football players being arrested/kicked off the team that the other sports would take a closer look at what they are doing. Or at least teach these kids how not to be blatantly stupid.

You know, since the media and the NCAA might be looking a little into how we operate things down here.

After the Prius Holdup and the Tennessee Hostesses, it looks like we have another scandal on our dockets. Tyler Smith, Brian Williams, Melvin Goins and Cameron Tatum were arrested by Knoxville police last Friday bringing the total number of Vols arrested* this Fall the same as the Football teams number of victories.

Four University of Tennessee basketball players were arrested on drug and weapons charges today after a Knoxville police officer stopped the car they were riding in for speeding on Alcoa Highway near Kingston Pike. [via Knoxnews GoVols Xtra]

We don’t think that Tennessee Athletics Director Mike Hamilton got the memo that having the  “T” in “UT” standing for “Thug” is not a good thing.  The Vols aren’t going to have too many more postseasons if Hamilton cannot learn to evoke discipline in his sports programs or better yet have the men start playing by the disciplinary guidelines of Pat Summitt.

The officer requested back-up and a K-9 unit. After the dog alerted officers to the presence of marijuana, the vehicle was searched.

Knoxville police said they found a handgun under the driver seat, a handgun with an altered serial number under the passenger seat, a baggy of marijuana, and a open container of alcohol.

The police report says Tatum was the driver and faces a weapon and unlawful container charge. Originally, police said Smith and Williams would face felony weapons charges. But, Judicial Commissioner Robert Cole tells 6 News the pair will face misdemeanor weapons charges. Goins faces a weapons charge and a drug possession charge. [via WATE]

There is a storm brewing in Florida. A huge storm.

The Florida Gators lost their head coach this weekend when Urban Meyer suddenly stepped down from the program citing his health as a determining factor. It’s a shock to Gators fans and a belated Christmas gift for our Vols.

Meyer thankfully claims that there is no immediate disease or deadly illness but rather his overall wellness that forced him to rethink heading up the nation’s #1 team.  Essentially, the cost of staying #1 took it’s toll on the coach.

Meyer met with his players around 7 p.m. Eastern on Saturday. “I have ignored my health for years, but recent developments have forced me to re-evaluate my priorities of faith and family,” he said in a statement.

The vacancy of Meyer is easily the most determining factor in the SEC we have seen in years. The Gators are easily the team to beat in the SEC with 2 National Championships this decade under Meyer’s rule. This year the Gators used QB Tim Tebow’s final season as a springboard to another title but fell short to Alabama in the SEC Championship.

The Gator’s will not have Tebow next season which will make it hard for the team to repeat as SEC East champs.

Add in the loss of coordinators Dan Mullen (to Mississippi State) and Charlie Strong (to Louisville) with Meyer and the Gators are now looking at no immediate successor to the team during this pivotal recruiting period.

That’s good news for every team that is in a recruiting battle with Florida and we can imagine Vols coach Lane Kiffin smiling a little bit more than usual tonight knowing the division [and recruiting] just got a little easier.

Nu’Keese is going to be looking for a Nu job now that our Vols have made a decision about 2 of the 3 Prius-rolling gangsta’s caught up in the embarrassing attempted armed robbery last week.

Coach Lane Kiffin dismissed Nu’Keese Richardson and fellow Mensa nominee Mike Edwards from the Vol program. That’s a nice way of saying “You’re Fired!”

Vol Nation stood around getting anxious at seeing if Lane Kiffin would stand by his words of cleaning up the UT program. He did.  So far.  2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

Janzen Jackson, the third genius in the posse, is essentially suspended from the program until further notice. His suspension leans on looking into the charges again Jackson more because he may or may not have been fully involved with the crime.

If nothing else they should all be run out of town for doing this on campus and using a Prius for a getaway car!

“After extensive and thorough research of the situation over the last four days and considering various disciplinary options, I’ve decided it’s in the best interest of our program to remove Nu’Keese and Mike,” Kiffin said. “As I’ve said many times before, we hold our student-athletes to an extremely high standard on and off the field. Our student-athletes must be responsible members of society, and this type of conduct will not be tolerated.

“We want a positive culture for our student-athletes that allows them to succeed in the classroom, on the field, and in life after college. My hope is that these two young men will learn from their terrible decision. Clearly, their actions have no place in our program.”

I Can Has Cheezeburger?

OK.  So maybe Tennessee will win the Fulmer Cup this year.VOL Nation is in a little bit of turmoil at the moment.  Turns out three highly recruited freshmen football players mistook Knoxville for the University of Miami and went on a crime spree filled with blood and helicopters and dead penguins and mayhem.

There was a long, drawn out police chase which cornered the 3 kids in an abandoned warehouse where a 4-hour shootout occurred before the entire industrial block was blown up by Jack Bauer and a helicopter armed with a nuclear warhead.

Sigh….not really…

The truth is 3 UT players pretended to be thugs and held up some broke kids on campus with airguns and escaped in a Prius.

Yep.  A Prius!

How’s that for street cred?  No Lil Wayne song is gonna make it sound cool for poppin’ a BB in someone’s ass and hoppin’ in the eco-friendly Prius.

Here’s some raw video of the arrests from WVLT.

The stupidity of the crimes doesn’t end there.  They did it on Cumberland Avenue, or the “Strip” as we local folks call it.  That’s the road next to campus.  You can’t miss it. Everyone travels down it and it’s filled with hobos and UT students at that time of night.

So, at 2 in the AM, three recognizable football players go to a gas station and try to rob a couple of UT kids.

We can safely say that on any campus college students are not known for their huge wallets of cash.  It’s not exactly a prime area for lots of cash.

The victims didn’t have money to offer but did have a cheeseburger.  The three football players decided not to mug them of their food.

The alleged incident reportedly took place at the Pilot Foodmart on the Cumberland Avenue “Strip”. According to police reports it was around 2am when two men in black hoodies entered a car occupied by three men. One assailant held a gun at the driver’s head and demanded money. The victims claimed that they had nothing to offer but a cheeseburger, and a third man then urged the other two suspects to leave the scene. Janzen Jackson is reported to be the third man who entered the scene. [source]

It also didn’t help that one of the dumbass douchebag football players was wearing a UT Adidas shirt. The only way they could of made it easier on the cops is to wear their game jerseys.

Can I get that cheeseburger now?

It’s hard to try to make the news of 3 Vols arrested for armed robbery into anything other than what it is: a complete embarrassment.

There is one bit of  great news and that is none of these douchebag boneheads hurt anyone.  The guns turned out to be airguns and all parties walked away with no physical injuries.  That’s such good news these days.

The only injury was to the careers of defensive back Janzen Jackson, 19, and wide receiver Nu’Keese Richardson, 19, and defensive back Michael Edwards, 18, who pissed all over UT tradition with their cowardly acts.

Fuck you, Janzen Jackson.

Fuck you, Nu’Keese Richardson.

Fuck you, Michael Edwards.

You are all an embarassment to the Orange and White.

Begone with you!

That rant aside, can you imagine the footage of a car chase through Knoxville with 30 police cars after a Prius.  That’s funny shit!  Those things can go forever on a full tank and they’re slow as Hell.

Besides, they probably could have gotten away faster by running.  Although we know Nu’Keese might have fumbled his Air-Soft pellet gun.

Let’s also take a nice look at this great picture from Nu’Keese’s Facebook page showing his huge stack of Benji’s. 

Oh,….wait.  Those are just $1 bills.  Well, he probably has enough to gas up the Prius with that wad. Not enough for bail, though….

Dollar Bills, y'all!

Coach Lane Kiffin has not announced the punishment for the 3 kids as he stated he is waiting for an investigation by the University into the matters.  Kiffin has pledged to help clean up the UT football program and this is his first major hurdle.  So at the moment it is a wait-and-see on the futures of these three criminals.

• UT football players arrested for attempted armed robbery
• Trouble in Tennessee
• So what’s Lane Kiffin going to talk about now?
• Kiffin’s streak ends at “11 months and 11 days”: Three UT football players …

Lane Kiffin deserves “Coach of the Year” for shaking the Ghost of Fulmer and making the Vols a competitive team once again despite a huge ga.

After a rough start, the Vols have started to find their grove with huge wins over SC and Georgia and one big lose in Alabama that should not have been.  Lane’s got it OK, though. He has a hot wife, rolled out black Vols Jerseys to the joy of UT fans and is mentioned in rap song by Lil Wayne, so he’s riding in the front car of the pimp train right now exchanging high-fives with Bruce Pearl.

image source

Lane Kiffin’s main goal this year with the Vols was to get the team back in the headlines. With his series of outbursts against SEC coaches and officials, Lane is giving Steve Spurrier a run for his money in the “Mouth of the South” contest.

But now it’s just gone platinum. Spurrier can’t match this!

Rapper Lil Wayne has made Lane Kiffin a star[and a fan of his music] by referencing the coach’s knack for loose lips in a new single from Wayne’s latest album.

*bump*

In Lil’s newest track, Banned From TV, the Southern rapper includes this line, “Smoke weed, talk s— like Lane Kiffin.”

Now Lane Kiffin has acknowledged the endorsement via Twitter, tweeting today, “looking forward to another great practice today and a huge game Saturday … also a huge shout-out to Lil Wayne for boosting our street cred!”

Tweet This, Bitches!

The video is below and Vol fans will find the line about 1:10 into the song. Word. And for those not familiar with Lil Wayne’s music, feel free to turn up the speakers in the office and blast this single as loud as possible.* Everyone in the office will love it!