I hate it when that happens.

To help out, Stephen tries to talk his iPhone 4S into writing the show.  The results are less than perfect.  Thank goodness he still has his staff of like 60 Onion writers in the back to help out.

If you want to put your new Soul-mate-to-be to the ultimate test there’s an App to help you. If your new man is in love with his iPhone a bit too much (and who isn’t?) you can put them to the test with iBreak.

This new handy App makes it appear that you’ve broken their iPhone. If he really loves you more than the iPhone he’ll understand. If not you’ve just saved yourself some trouble.

The antenna is on the outside of the phone and a design flaw has led angry customers, bloggers and tech sites to declare that the world is going to end in a ball of fiery death.  Your death will be a painful one.

Now a surprise press conference by Apple to address the iPhone will hopefully solve the situation.

Whew.  I wasn’t looking forward to the earth blowing up.

Apple refuses to address the issue so far despite kicks in the groin from Consumer Reports who recommends putting duct tape on the phone to get it to work but won’t recommend you buy the phone until they fix their issue.  Ouch.

Apple’s stock has taken a nice dip and news reports hint that a recall is in order.  So if you are one of the 1.5 million people to buy the iPhone 4 you may want to keep an eye out.  Reports of Apple silently switching out hardware are already happening.

Check out the guys (and girls) who didn’t make the cut in the Apple iPhone 4 video. Contains some NFSW language.

EA is having a 48-hour sale on a select group of their popular iPhone games available in the App Store.

For today and tomorrow you can grab a games that originally sold for as much as $9.99 for just 99 cents. Here’s the complete list of sale titles and CNet has more details and links.

* FIFA 10
* Tiger Woods PGA Tour
* Madden NFL 10
* NBA Live 2010
* Need for Speed Shift
* Need for Speed Undercover
* Command and Conquer Red Alert
* SimCity Deluxe
* The Game of Life
* Clue
* Connect 4
* Yahtzee Adventures
* Trivial Pursuit
* Battleship

Steve Jobs’ exoskeleton gingerly walked on stage at the WWDC this week to announce that the world is a much better place to live in with the latest update to the iPhone.  The newest version of the awesome device is sleeker, sexier, and more powerful.

The upgrade to the iPhone creates a beast in your pocket and is officially now more powerful than my home computer which is a crappy Acer I picked up many years back at a Wal-Mart Thanksgiving sale.

Let’s take a look at what these changes really mean.

4. Improved Performance – New Chip and Battery

The most obvious update to the iPhone is the size.  The new iPhone is 24% thinner and features a metal band around the now squared-off sides and both the front and back are now made of glass.

What’s that mean for fellow pervs?  Absolutely nothing.  It’s what’s inside that counts.  A new chip, Apple’s own A4 (a version first used in the iPad), means more power and faster processing.  Uploading and downloading those midget videos will be much faster!  Yeah!  Well, as long as you don’t do it on the AT&T network.  Stick to WiFi.  It’s a lot more reliable.

Also, a new battery will improve performance.  Nothing kills your iPhone like crunching video.  The new hardware means you’ll be able check out Hot Barnyard Grannies for longer periods on top of the faster downloads.  Cool.

3. Multitasking!

Sweet Jebus! It’s about time.  Next to the addition of Flash, which we know now will never come, the ability for the iPhone to multitask was one of the most demanded features.  Apple claimed it just wouldn’t work well on their system.  Anyone with a jailbroken iPhone knows that’s B.S. and with Google’s Android phones having that feature already, it looks like Apple knew they had to bring it to the masses finally instead of making excuses.

Multitasking is great because now you will be able to enjoy your alone time and load up different items like Pandora (music to set the mood), Safari (for the celebrity nip-slip pics) and maybe even some video like the Slingbox App so you can watch those recorded “Golden Girls” on your DVR and easily switch between all the programs.

Very nice.

2. New HD Video camera with iMovie editing

A great new feature on the iPhone is the upgraded video and camera capabilities which features higher resolution and a new LED-light which is perfect for low-light situations like nightclubs, the back of your Nissan Stanza, or even highway reststops.

The iPhone will now be able to shoot HD video up to 720p for that stunning clarity that will make all your friends say “Ahhh…..wait! Is that a dude…?”

You can also edit your amateur home videos with some awesome software.  The iMovie program will allow for editing of your latest videos from the women’s dressing room at Sears.  You can quickly chop up the video, add a soundtrack with fancy graphic titles and upload the debacle to your favorite online site or simply just email it to your friends.

No need to wait until you get back home now.  You can do all of this in a matter of minutes.  Shoot that video in the club of your best friend grinding on a tranny, slap some awesome captions on it  and get it online in a matter of minutes.  Tastefully, of course.

1.  FaceTime video chat

One of the best features of the new iPhone is the addition of the front-facing camera which allows for video calling.  Apple is calling it FaceTime because everything cool from them has to have a snappy title and be trademarked.

Whatever you want to call it, this of course takes phone sex to an awesome new level.  No more setting up a crappy web camera and talking on a separate phone.  And imagine the cool businesses that will try to take the phone sex lines to a new level by hiring actual models to talk to you instead of unemployed social workers. Man, those hourly rates are going to be expensive.

You can now hold the iPhone in the palm of your hand anywhere in the world and go to town with your sexy lady on the other line.

Anywhere with Wifi, that is.  It’s an option on the iPhone for WiFi at this time and we’re sure that AT&T will be working hard on bringing it to their network just as fast as BP is working on plugging that leaking oil pipe in the Gulf.

Ahh….the old trusty iPhone. It really is a magical device and it’s hard to imagine going a day without having it near me. But as much as I love the little fellow, it does have its downfalls.  Recently I to make a choice about whether I wanted to keep my great and majestic iPhone or switch over to another provider and get one of their phones.  Namely an Android phone.

It’s not like my iPhone is a bad phone. Nope. Love it.  It’s just the network.  Around East Tennessee you’ll find some decent 3G coverage around the Knoxville area as long as you are not inside a building.  Outside of the metro area don’t plan on making any calls.  If you don’t live in the city limits you’ll be lucky to strike 3 bars on the Edge network.

Hell, you can barely get AT&T service in the Apple Store in the mall and that’s ground zero for selling the device!  Anyway, I made up a list and here are the top 5 reasons to switch over to an Android phone on a different network.

5.  AT&T Sucks!

4.  AT&T Sucks!

3. AT&T Sucks!

2. AT&T Sucks!

1. AT&T Sucks!

Well, I think that about sums it up!

Here’s an ad for the iPhone, or as we call it the iPad Nano, that you’ll never see.

Top 15 New Texting Buzzwords
(The Bachelor Guy)

SmackTalk iPhone App is One of the Funniest Apps I’ve Ever Seen
(Walyou)

Gallery: Hot Girls Tanning
(Ego TV)

Five Hot 80s Actresses Who Just Disappeared
(Gunaxin)

Kicker Makes Great Tackle !
(The Pigskin Doctors)

Girls Shouldn’t Play Sports
(With Leather)

Star Wars Burlesque show video
(Film Drunk)

3 Year Old Boxer Can Kick Your Ass
(Heavy.com)

Five Painfully Annoying Current Countercultures
(Uproxx)

Twitter Purchases iPhone App Tweetie
(TechVert)

Dwight Schrute’s Top Skills, and where to get them
(Top Cultured)

This site takes a look at one App a day with a review and a handful of promo codes for lucky addicts like us to take advantage of.

Since Apple just pulled the plug on all the skimpy iPhone Apps in their store, we know you have the room to add some more and there’s only so many fart Apps you can add.

So we gave it a shot.  Today they had an iPhone App for a VOLT which is normally $.99.  We checked out the reviews, which sounded decent, and were able to get a free redemption code that was easily entered into the iTunes Store.

And viola! We had the App to try and use for our own.  Pretty f’n cool.

Hopefully the peeps at Apploot.com will continue to add more cool stuff.  And just like Woot, you just need to check back daily for your fix.

Normally, Google stays away from traditional advertising of this sort. Recently the Google has launched aggressive new ventures like web browsers [Google Chrome] and it’s very own cell phone [Google Nexus One] that may need some extra attention

So we’re guessing that when Eric Schmidt says this:

Can’t wait to watch the Superbowl tomorrow. Be sure to watch the ads in the 3rd quarter (someone said “Hell has indeed frozen over.”)

…that we can expect something new from Google.

Our guess is a commercial touting the Nexus One cell phone.

Even though Google provides the Android operating system for the Droid cell phones, it relies on the carriers and manufacturers to advertise those products. That just leaves Chrome and Nexus One.

The Nexus One is Google’s toy. If it’s going to go after the Apple iPhone, they’re gonna need more muscle and a Super Bowl spot might help lift disappointing sales numbers.  And advertising the Chrome browser seems a little wasteful.

The other option is something new from Google like the Chrome OS.   Ehh….probably not.

Thank you for creating the best name ever for a heavily anticipated device.

We can’t thank you enough for the iPad. (**snicker**)

We hoped and prayed that you wouldn’t give into conventional naming like iSlate or iTablet or iSaac*.  As we debated about the naming of the device we got giddy at the first mention of something that sounded like a social media tampon.

The Apple iPad. (**snicker**)

There’s a black 16GB, 32GB, or even a 64GB model for those heavy flow days on the Internet. But, thankfully, it’s not available in white.

And don’t worry about spotty 3G coverage. You’ll get WiFi with this standard.

Thank you, Apple, for all the fun we will have over the next few years and it’s nice to see you catering your products to women. We guess the iPad name is better than their second choice, the MaciPad.  heehee….(say it out loud)

The promise of jokes to come from naming your device the iPad (**snicker**) is so beautiful that we will overlook for now that you just spent an hour and a half trying to convince us that the large iPod Touch in your hand is revolutionary.

You’ve earned it. Congrats.  You have re-invented the NetBook as only Apple could.

While not all fans are happy with the device, we are quite pleased.

*= as in Newton,…wink, wink

The end of the world is coming to East Tennessee, in a matter of speaking. A winter storm is coming and they are calling for 3-6 inches. Tragic, isn’t it?

We know Northerners are used to snow fall but down here we’re not. People flip the Hell out and for some reason the first thing they do is head to the grocery store and only buy 3 things: bread, milk, and eggs. It’s kinda freaky. You’d think maybe some bottled water or TP would be sold out but try buying bread before a snowstorm and you’ll be out of luck.

So, while Knoxville prepares for what someone from Pennsylvania might call a ‘dusting’ of snow, here are some links to keep you warm.

Celebrities: Artie Lange stabs himself in a suicide attempt : AfroJacks

Funny :  Lady Forgets She’s Not At Burger King  :  Tasty Booze

Funny : Newspaper misunderstanding  : Deaddog

Sports: 10 Fictional Sporting Events We’d Pay Good Money to Attend : Funny Crave

Funny :  Just another day on the school bus, rolling over mailboxes into a ditch with a dozen screaming kids : Foundry Music

Women :  30 years of sexy ladies: THE FINALS : Guyism

Tech : The Official iPhone App is out for Break.com! : All Left Turns

Funny: An Infographic Look Back at Historically Great Sex Scandals : MadAtoms

Sports: Top 10 NFL Players Who Wear Number 10 : The Pigskin Doctors

Tech: Control a Helicopter with your iPhone: Mashable

Funny :  Saruman The White Makes A Metal Concept Album: Gamma Squad

Funny : The Creepiest, Strangest and Most Depressing TV Commercials : URLesque

Geek : Superhero Versions of 80s Album Art by Cliff Chiang : Comics Alliance

Funny : The Ultimate Fish Punching Reality Show! : Atom.com

Movies: 20 Stupid Star Wars Character Names : Gunaxin

Society: 5,000 newly fat booted from “beautiful people only” website for holiday weight gain : The Bachelor Guy

Women: Molly Sims Tries To Put Viagra Out Of Business : Don Chavez

Animals : Animals, Funny 20 Moments In Animal Awesomeness : Banned in Hollywood

Celebrities : Michael Cera: Mind Murderer : Next Round