Posts Tagged ‘cnn’

Internet memes somehow lose their effectiveness when they appear on CNN. Kinda like Nancy Grace. This squirrel popped up a few weeks ago crashing a picture and now it’s everywhere. Technology is great but the length of popularity of fads just don’t last as long as they used to.

Via CNN, in Iran the police are shooting from helicopters – Government controls cell phone system – and the Internet is down. All this in the wake of the fixed elections by one of our least favorite people, Jerkass Iranian Dick-tator and president of the Iranian Hitler Youth program (Tehran chapter) Ahmadinejad.

An organization of Bigfoot hunters is on the ropes as biased reporters from around the world close their minds on the findings of the long, lost Sasquatch. The benevolent heroes of the moment are Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer of Georgia who have the strongest evidence ever produced on the existence of the mysterious and mythical Bigfoot.

The North American long-haired Yeti (Uberuglious Rosieodonnellious) , commonly known as “Bigfoot,” has for decades been spotted by valiant citizens like Dyer and Whitton. However, due to the shy nature of Bigfoot, the evidence supporting the existence of the wild creature has been continually met with closed minds and doubt.

The international community collectively held their breath Friday waiting for news from Whitton and Dyer after the savage Bigfoot was captured by the noble duo in Georgia. After having offered a press conference full of details and the potential for DNA evidence of a North American Yeti, the back stabbing reporters immediately violated their ethics and morals by questioning the validity of Whitton and Dyer’s on their Bigfoot find.

The chivalrous pair of Bigfoot hunters stood valiantly against a barrage of skepticism and ignorance. Meanwhile, the corporate media was maintaining a blackout of ‘the grand evidence’ on the Bigfoot of Georgia. When they did finally report on it, they were as usual telling the story backwards with headlines such as “Stupid Bigfoot found in Georgia” and “They Have Found Bigfoot”,…or so they say as though Whitton and Dyer had fabricated the entire event.

A large part of the discovery of Bigfoot has been the frozen body of the beast kept along with five squirrels and a possum in a cooler by the noble Bigfoot hunters. CNN reports that more than 1,600 people have claimed to have seen, found, or been molested by Bigfoot in the past 24 years yet no physical evidence was ever gathered other than a few blurry pieces of media and some casts of footprints. There are also many false reports among news makers and the bloated media that has made it difficult for Whitton and Dyer to prove their stellar findings. Most people have already made up their minds about the discovery without properly viewing the findings.

Relating what has become common practice among cowardly media outlets, CNN field reporter James Krackcorn reported: “This Georgian Bigfoot expedition has come under fire for good reason. Doubt is growing among the media, and the number of fake reports are increasing. There are reports of staged Bigfoot sightings… The situation is ripe for parody.”

So at long last, Whitton and Dyer, the providers of actuality and facts about Bigfoot in a sea of dissident, have moved in to push back the skeptics and provide concrete data and the existence of Bigfoot. An elite Bigfoot tracking unit has also arrived in the Georgian capital of Atlanta to help search the North Georgia woods for remaining Bigfoot colonies. They will support their brothers Dyer and Whitton who have come under heavy fire from foul reporters who seek nothing more than to disprove facts.

Defeated on the battlefield of truth, the media is now trying to discard the findings of heroic Bigfoot experts Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer of Georgia and has taken its case to the U.S.’s highest court, accusing the gallant pair of fabricating the body of Sasquatch found in the woods of Northern Georgia, according to court papers released Wednesday.

The much-anticipated Bigfoot press conference Friday afternoon in Palo Alto, Calif., revealed staggering evidence in the existence of Bigfoot. Whitton and Dyer have media claiming to possess the 7-foot “body” of a “Bigfoot” on ice in a secret location, awaiting an autopsy. The scientific findings of the forensic study of the creature will no doubt shake the fibers of society down to its very core.   Such significant data of this magnitude will no doubt change how the world views the universe.   It can be argued that such an important finding hasn’t been presented to the public since Albert Einstein declared E=MC2 or even Swiss biochemist Albert Hoffman dabbled with his chemistry set.

CNN filed its suit at the Supreme Court of Justice on Friday as tapes and manuscripts were presented to the court. CNN alleged that the finding of Bigfoot was a hoax created by Dyer and Whitton and is merely a “Bigfoot Costume” stuffed into a meat cooler.  Such a true find, states CNN, would create riots and havoc worldwide as people doubted their existence, questioned religion, and reverted to a frightened stage of apocalyptic measures that would bring about the end of humanity as we know it.

It appealed to the court to order Whitton and Dyer to cease all promotional action and withdraw its claims on the finding of Bigfoot from the media outlets, and to pay CNN unspecified compensation.

A spokeswoman for the court declined to say whether Whitton or Dyer had filed a response. But Supreme Court Chief Justice John Robers has stated that the Court would expedite the case due to it’s “worldwide importance.”

CNN also cowardly claimed that the Bigfoot hunters, along with the entire brave members of Whitton and Dyer’s Bigfoot expedition team, have acted ‘inappropriately’ in disclosing the information about the discovery of “Bigfoot” and a find of such significance is too important and should not be toyed with.