Stumbling down the aisle in Walmart, trying to swim through a see of Rascals and pajama-bottom clad food stampers as I gathered up my weekly ration of Mountain Dew and French Bread Pizzas, I turned a corner to come face-to-face with the then unrealized notion that I needed a new pair of sunglasses.
And there before me stood the Burning Bush of merchandised cardboard displays which spoke to me in a deep and commanding voice and beckoned for me to make an epic choice.
It sounded a lot like Timothy Olyphant with a splash of Jonathan Winters just in case you’re wondering.
You need sunglasses.
You must have sunglasses to be cool and accepted by society.
And to be able to function on a day to day basis unless you want that huge ball of fire in the sky to fry your eyes out and permanently blind you.
But you must choose: Paula Deen or Nelly.
Apple bottoms or butter sticks.
It’s bright out there.