Always Know Your Customers


Stumbling down the aisle in Walmart, trying to swim through a see of Rascals and pajama-bottom clad food stampers as I gathered up my weekly ration of Mountain Dew and French Bread Pizzas, I turned a corner to come face-to-face with the then unrealized notion that I needed a new pair of sunglasses.

And there before me stood the Burning Bush of merchandised cardboard displays which spoke to me in a deep and commanding voice and beckoned for me to make an epic choice.

It sounded a lot like Timothy Olyphant with a splash of Jonathan Winters just in case you’re wondering.

You need sunglasses.

You must have sunglasses to be cool and accepted by society.

And to be able to function on a day to day basis unless you want that huge ball of fire in the sky to fry your eyes out and permanently blind you.

But you must choose: Paula Deen or Nelly.

Apple bottoms or butter sticks.

Choose wisely.

It’s bright out there.

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