We don’t know about you, but we can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking black Vols jerseys and arrange everyone we know in a “T”-shaped formation in our dining room. That shit is going to be awesome. We’ll then all start singing “Rocky Top” at the top of our lungs and march around in unison.

Once we get some we’ll then head down to the storage area to find our UT helmets, dust them off, and slap them on with the instantly awesome black Vols jersey and begin running tackling drills in the living room.

When any friends come over to our apartment it’s gonna be like, BAM!!! Check out this fucking awesome array of black and orange, bitches. Then we’d tackle them.

Vols Black Jerseys

Vols Black Jerseys

We got Big Orange and Black fever!  No silly pig-flu shot is gonna cure you of that.

Black Vols jerseys sound like a pretty fitting way to ring in the first season for Coach Lane Kiffin. You know what else sounds awesome? Performing an all-black Vols jersey reenactment of the entire South Carolina/Vols game in our living room – including the rain.

We’re gonna rig up a couple of those  lawn sprinklers from outside from that extra long garden hose and get our grumpy, unemployed neighbor, Mr. Fuhrwellington, to play the role of Steve Spurrier. We’ll slap one of those geeky visors on his fat ass and stick him in the corner and let him try to call the plays to beat a team wearing black jerseys.

News flash.  It can’t be done.  Black jerseys make you immortal!

The next thing we’re going to do is get about 50 pumpkins carved with Vols  “T’s” on those bastards and line them along the walls to represent the awesome Vols crowd at Neyland Stadium.  We’ll crank up the Lil Wayne and then  call over our friends and some hookers  and get some of those hobos from the liquor store across the street and get this game going.

Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it?

We’ll dress up the hobos in SC shirts.   That’s  easy to do.  They just have to be red shirts and then have COCKS written on them with Sharpie.  Hell, we might just draw pictures of cocks on them. These hobos better keep their eyes peeled for the weak side blitz.  When it comes to the black jerseys, there is no mercy and having a black jersey makes every player hit 17% harder.

Welcome to the Terrordome, fuckheads!  You hear that snap?  That’s your spine being crashed in as a wave of black swarms on the ball and consumes you.

We’re gonna rock those black jerseys all night long. And when the game comes to an end and all the hobos are lumped on the floor gasping for air as the black jerseys stand mightily over them while our friends and the hookers cheer and throw empty beer bottles at the wall, we’ll grab those pumpkins and smash them over Mr. Fuhrwellington to cap the victory.

Because that’s how we do it in Big Orange and Black Country!  Go Vols!

Parody of the great McSweeney