Dave and Thomas Daily Timekillers

Archive for July, 2009

Once you go Horse, you don’t go back! After a woman discovered a dude having sex with her horse she had the perv arrested. One would think that buggery [legal term for sexin' up a horse] would not be so addictive.

A little bit of us just shriveled up and died. In the modern world of social networking no one is safe. Not even the children of the rich. The Duck Tales get an Oliver Stone remix…

The wrong [and racist] answer to the question about someone being yellow is only made better by the correct answer being given by a Chinese kid.

We love 80’s movies. With all that great synthesizer music and whiny teens doing impossible things fueled by montages. The 80’s were great. Stealing F-14s to fight a private war is one highlight. Sadly, Chappy didn’t make it home…

Are you tired of your cat making too much noise? You should try Charlie’s “Kitten Mittens.” Currently on sale only in Philadelphia.

When we heard about a movie called “Hot Tub Time Machine” we only had 2 questions. Is it real and when is it coming out?

John Cusack, Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, and Clark Duke make our dream movie a reality when they zoom back to 1986 via a hot tub. 80’s references abound with rumors of a Poison cover band and Chevy Chase making appearances along with Crispin “Get Your Damn Hands Off Her” Glover.

Here is a the unrated Red Band trailer featuring the cast discovering their hot tub powers and apparently a big pile of blow. This is going to be great!

“Hot Tub Time Machine” is due out in theaters next Feb. 26th.

Whoa!  Zombie Alert!? What the hell…?

A San Antonio woman is being held on $1 million bail in the killing of her 3½-week-old son yesterday. Police say he was dismembered, his face torn away and his brains ripped out. She had apparently eaten the brains, three toes and other body parts before stabbing herself.

Otty Sanchez, the zombie, told officers the devil made her do it.

Police Chief William McManus told reporters today that “you could have heard a pin drop” when officers arrived at the one-story home. “It’s too heinous for me to describe it any further.”

Ohhh! A Miranda Kerr is seen here posing for a Victoria’s Secret photo shoot in the Caribbean for a bathing suit. Well, half of the suit we guess.

Maybe VS is holding a half-off sale.

• Miranda Kerr’s topless photo shoot

Sarah Palin, the single greatest train wreck to take over the Internet, is being made fun of here on the Tonight Show by master thespian William Shatner.

Sarah Palin gives her resignation speech in the form of a poem and the Shat does his version. We like Shat’s better.

After this skit, Shatner went out into the woods and made love to a mountain. He’s a true man’s man!

Give it a week and this might change but wishy-washy retirement prone Brett Favre has opted to stay retired and not join the Minnesota Vikings. His stint as the attention whore of the NFL is officially over.

All we can say is “Thank You.”

The circus has left town.