Dave and Thomas Bigfoot Saturday: Bigfoot’s Body Single Most Important Find in History of the Universe

Defeated on the battlefield of truth, the media is now trying to discard the findings of heroic Bigfoot experts Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer of Georgia and has taken its case to the U.S.’s highest court, accusing the gallant pair of fabricating the body of Sasquatch found in the woods of Northern Georgia, according to court papers released Wednesday.

The much-anticipated Bigfoot press conference Friday afternoon in Palo Alto, Calif., revealed staggering evidence in the existence of Bigfoot. Whitton and Dyer have media claiming to possess the 7-foot “body” of a “Bigfoot” on ice in a secret location, awaiting an autopsy. The scientific findings of the forensic study of the creature will no doubt shake the fibers of society down to its very core.   Such significant data of this magnitude will no doubt change how the world views the universe.   It can be argued that such an important finding hasn’t been presented to the public since Albert Einstein declared E=MC2 or even Swiss biochemist Albert Hoffman dabbled with his chemistry set.

CNN filed its suit at the Supreme Court of Justice on Friday as tapes and manuscripts were presented to the court. CNN alleged that the finding of Bigfoot was a hoax created by Dyer and Whitton and is merely a “Bigfoot Costume” stuffed into a meat cooler.  Such a true find, states CNN, would create riots and havoc worldwide as people doubted their existence, questioned religion, and reverted to a frightened stage of apocalyptic measures that would bring about the end of humanity as we know it.

It appealed to the court to order Whitton and Dyer to cease all promotional action and withdraw its claims on the finding of Bigfoot from the media outlets, and to pay CNN unspecified compensation.

A spokeswoman for the court declined to say whether Whitton or Dyer had filed a response. But Supreme Court Chief Justice John Robers has stated that the Court would expedite the case due to it’s “worldwide importance.”

CNN also cowardly claimed that the Bigfoot hunters, along with the entire brave members of Whitton and Dyer’s Bigfoot expedition team, have acted ‘inappropriately’ in disclosing the information about the discovery of “Bigfoot” and a find of such significance is too important and should not be toyed with.